Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Tinkerbell, Apr 21, 2005.

  1. Tinkerbell

    Tinkerbell New Member

    Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first made love.
    "It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

    "That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

    "Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

    "Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"


    i hope that jokes not offense,if it is i will delete it.

    i think its tame. :)
  2. Tinkerbell

    Tinkerbell New Member

    Pig In A Bar

    A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, ''Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?''

    Then the lady answered, ''Excuse me, I think this is a goose.''

    And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''

    ;D.i like this one
  3. Jjsweet1402

    Jjsweet1402 New Member

    nice one tink, don't think its to offensive
  4. ellen101

    ellen101 New Member

    Haha...all funny!!

    and just to prove my humourous side, here's an Essex girl joke, from a REAL Essex girl (note: REAL, not typical!!)

    An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
    "How many children?" asks the council worker.
    "Ten" replies the Essex girl.
    "Ten?" says the council worker. "What are their names?"
    "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, and Wayne"

    "Doesn't that get confusing?"
    "Naah..." says the Essex girl, "it's great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

    "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
    "That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their surnames"
  5. robynchic

    robynchic New Member

    That one is SOOOO hilarious! Let me think of a good American joke...
    Ooh! How about a Michael Jackson joke (or two)?

    Only in America can a poor black boy become a rich white woman.

    What is Macauly Culkin's favorite salad dressing?
    Neverland Ranch
  6. Tinkerbell

    Tinkerbell New Member

    :D :D that was a good one ellen !!!!!
  7. ellen101

    ellen101 New Member

    Thanks...I try! :D

    Ellen xxx
  8. Jimbobdaga

    Jimbobdaga Member

    Here is a joke picture

  9. Tinkerbell

    Tinkerbell New Member

    "Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
    "Yes, of course..."
    "Great! I never could before!"

    Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
    Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
    Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
    Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
    Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

    You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if...

    your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

    discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.

    you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.

    you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.

    you believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.

    you say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers.

    you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy it is quiet around here."

    you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".

    you have ever had a patient say, "But I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant. How can I be having a baby?"

    you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".

    your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"
  10. Jjsweet1402

    Jjsweet1402 New Member

    love the doctor doctor joke tinks
  11. Tinkerbell

    Tinkerbell New Member

    Knock Knock.very tame knock knock jokes ;D ;D
    Who's there !
    Bo !
    Bo who ?
    Bo Geste ! 
    Knock Knock
    Who's there !
    Bobby !
    Bobby who ?
    Bobby-n up and down like this !
    Knock Knock
    Who's there !
    Boiler !
    Boiler who ?
    Boiler egg for four minutes ! 
    Knock Knock
    Who's there !
    Boise !
    Boise who ?
    Boise ivy ! 
    Knock Knock
    Who's there !
    Bolivia !
    Boliva who ?
    Boliva me, I know what I'm talking about !
    Knock Knock
    Who's there !
    Bologna !
    Bologna who ?
    Bologna & cheese !
    Knock Knock
    Who's there !
    Bolton !
    Bolton who ?
    Bolton braces !

    Poor Couple 

    A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, ''I'm going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.''
    The woman replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?''

    The man replied, ''No, I'm turning the heat off.''
  12. Tinkerbell

    Tinkerbell New Member

    Bum in need of food
    One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man.

    "We don't have any money for food.", The poor man replied.

    "Oh, come along with me then."

    "But sir, I have a wife with two children!"

    "Bring them along! And you, come with me too!", he said to the other man.

    "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The second man answered.

    "Bring them as well!"

    They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

    The rich man replied "No, you don't understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall!"
  13. Tinkerbell

    Tinkerbell New Member

    Were you drinking?
    A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

    The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
  14. rjshevy

    rjshevy Guest

    some of these jokes are pretty bad but i find them hilarious.

    Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: He wiped
    his arse.

    Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead? A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

    Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery man have in common? A: They both get to smell
    the goods but neither of them can eat it.

    Q: How is pubic hair like parsley? A: You push it to one side before you eat.

    Q: What's somewhat brown and often found in children's underpants? A: Michael Jackson's hand.

    Q: Why are women and Kentucky Fried Chicken the same? A: By the time you've finished with the breast and the thigh's all you have left with is a greasy box to put your bone in.

    Q: How are tornadoes and marriages alike? A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing but at the end you finish up losing your house.

    Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks down the aisle? A: She knows she's given her last blowjob.

    Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other? A: How the hell are we supposed to find an egg amongst all this s**t.

    Q: How do little boy's at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it's bedtime? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
  15. Jimbobdaga

    Jimbobdaga Member

    LOL at all of them
  16. Celephaïs

    Celephaïs New Member

    LOL, these are hilarious
  17. Tinkerbell

    Tinkerbell New Member

  18. MyLittlePony

    MyLittlePony New Member

    Here's more fun for you!
    Ist hier mehr Spaß für Sie!
    Voici plus d'amusement pour vous !
    Qui è più divertimento per voi!
    ¡Aquí está más diversión para usted!
    Εδώ περισσότερη διασκέδαση για σας!
    Здесь больше потехи для вас!
    Está aqui mais divertimento para você!
    Hier meer pret voor u!
  19. Jjsweet1402

    Jjsweet1402 New Member

    tinkerbell ;D your jokes are gd keep em coming, i would post mine but they are way to rude
  20. Celephaïs

    Celephaïs New Member

    Ah, come on Jjsweet, I love rude jokes

    Bring 'em on!!!!, please...

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